Category Archives: failure

START THE REVOLUTION!

When America was founded our founding fathers created various documents one of which is the Declaration of Independence! This document was in itself a declaration of war, a drawing of the line in the sand that states we have had enough! Enough of the government being in our business, enough of being over taxed, enough of limited or no freedom, enough of a specific religion being forced upon us and this was in 1776!

It is therefore my duty as an American to say I have had enough. I hereby state my own Declaration of Independence and therefore remove myself from the Republican/Democrat train wreck and proceed to seek out other, better choices.

I have had enough and draw the line in the sand. Starting this November I will go into the voting booth and start a revolution of real change as I vote for “Other”. The tea is going into the harbor!

You can’t have different voting for the same! At some point you have to say enough and make change really happen. It starts with you!

THINK DIFFERENT…I DARE YOU!

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My Trek – That One Brief Moment

“Q: …We wanted to see if you had the ability to expand your mind and your horizons. And for one brief moment, you did.
PICARD: When I realized the paradox.
Q:  For that one fraction of a second, you were open to options you had never considered. That is the exploration that awaits you. Not mapping stars and studying nebulae, but charting the unknowable possibilities of existence.”
Star Trek The Next Generation – All Good Things

I small snippet of my favorite episode of STTNG.  It has always been an inspiration.  It, in my eyes, is about how the present and future can be affect by the past and you must deal with the destructiveness of the past to save your future.  It showed how everything, past, present and future is connected.

For most of my life I was always there for someone else and many times I lost myself because of this.  I never got to see who or what I was or explore my life to its potential.  I was the sacrifice for someone else’s agenda or goal.  My life was taken from me, now I’m taking it back!

This means removing and dealing with things that had or have a negative impact on my life.  Removing people from my life that were unhealthy and bad influences.  To finally set myself free and heal.

This has been my journey, dealing with destructive issues of my past to save my present and future.  To experience that one brief moment of realization of all the possibilities of my life.  To see what my life can really be and to experience and explore so much more of life.  To open my mind to options I never even considered.  To live!

That is the exploration, the journey, that awaits me!

 

The Final Transmission – Enough

Am I not enough?

Must I truly match and stand by your religion, politics, color, race, or other life preferences? Must I stand perfectly inline with you to matter, to be enough?

Is it not enough that I serve to better myself and my fellow man, to step out and make difference? Doesn’t’ the mere act of kindness, compassion an love count regardless of who I am?

Is not the world big enough for all of us to exist in our own way, to give in our own way and to be happy as we are, to be as one world improving upon it?

When is enough hatred, bigotry, bullying, and discriminating? When will we finally have enough of separation and loss, pain and hurt, rejection and stupidity?

Why isn’t it enough? Why am I not enough? What is enough? I ask you this!

Am I not enough? If you feel that I am not, then you are not enough and I’ve had enough of you!

Neal Stone
The Final Transmission

Lies

What do you do when you discover parts of your life were a lie? When something you went through and overcame isn’t exactly what you thought it was? When people you trusted fabricated events, symptoms and other things for their own selfish reasons, often at your expense?

You were held down, held back by something out of your control.

You get angry, but then celebrate at the truth and realization that no matter what it was…YOU BEAT THE SYSTEM! You take control and you move forward knowing that the past does not define you now nor will it ever.

I’m free! Don’t mess with it! It’s my game now and if you come against me, rest be assured your only winning move is not to play!

I will expound on this later.

The Storm

I sail this sea of my life; I feel the waves as they rock the boat. I see now ahead a great storm fierce and intense. I can see the bow of the boat rise and fall as the waves get stronger and larger. The winds blow hard as my craft rocks side to side rising and falling in the now harsh waves.

Dark clouds ahead of a mighty storm and I realize I cannot go around it and it’s too late to turn back for I can no longer out run it. I see this storm of truth filled with winds of rage, rains of hurt and ravaging waves of anger and pain.

Many have now abandoned ship leaving me to ride this storm alone, for only I can go through this next phase of my life, only I can see the truth for what it is. Many of you have stayed and will be there when the storm clears to show me back to harbor.

I feel the boat rock violently as the storm now rages even closer and I know that all I believed, all I have lived for may soon be up heaved and tossed, only to sink in the end leaving me adrift on whatever wreckage I find to hold, but I will not perish nor will I give in to the storm. What is worth keeping I will save, but the rest can sink…let it go and let it sink.

I approach the storm eyes wide with fear staring straight ahead of what is soon to come. My hands clutched tightly to the wheel holding on on as hard as I can as I steer through the turmoil facing me. I hear the creak of wood, I watch as the sails tighten in the wind and feel the shake of the masts as they try and hold the sails.

I face now the only decision I have to spare “Full speed ahead…I’m going through!”

The Final Transmission – Goodbye America

Goodbye America!

What I write is of no influence by who was elected, for the message will be the same.

Goodbye America where I once played without fear of abduction, where I could run a marathon without fear of attack, where I could go to school without fear of death from gunfire.

Goodbye America for what was once justice is now criminal, what was once unity is now division, what was once hope is now despair and what was once truth is now lie.

Goodbye America, I stand now sadly watching as America quivers and shakes in it’s final death throws for no hope shapes its future any longer. We point, we accuse and we fight among ourselves just because we share different beliefs, religions and political views. Come up with a good idea, but if you’re the wrong party, religion or ideal you will be shot down no matter how good the idea.

Goodbye America, the land of the free that is now the land of the oppressed. We’ve learned to enslave by a label, by color, religion, political party or any other difference we use to control or shoot someone down. We’ve learned to hate for the very same reasons.

Goodbye America, you had a good run but your time is soon at an end. How much longer shall you last, a year, ten years, twenty five or more? Maybe you will make it to the next century but I sincerely doubt you will make it half way at this pace of hate, division, and blinded stupidity we call politics and leadership and I reference not just the president, but all in office, past, present and future, for you fail to lead and instead seek only personal gain and in the end choke the ones who feed you. Who will feed you when we die? Who will hold you up when the foundation is gone?

Goodbye America, whose foundation is crumbling under the weight of lost ideals, hopeless efforts, economical breakdown, and the weight of its own selfish mistakes and choices. We reached the moon and further, but now we can’t even reach each other.

Goodbye America, for the bell has rung its last chime and the bell tower now crumbles and falls to the ground and she shall never ring freedom again as she did before. Have we not learned from the past of what works and what doesn’t? I think not, for we succeed in one thing, repetition of blatant stupidity, denial and lack of accountability.

Goodbye America, for we state how our political beliefs, religion, or other ideals are the solution, yet nothing is solved and the hole gets deeper. We are blind fools if we don’t see the real solution, unity, love, accountability, responsibility, and hard work, that is what brings us back from this brink of death we face.

Goodbye America, for your time has come. You breathe your final breaths and choke on your own failures as a nation. Let us point and blame president, congressman, governor, preacher…yes let us point at anyone but ourselves. We ask others to solve and be responsible for problems we have the full capacity to solve ourselves, but don’t !

Goodbye America, the hole is dug and your casket awaits and you shall be buried soon. Goodbye America, unless some miracle should abound and save you from a timely death.

I, Neal Stone, hereby dedicate myself to write this and more. I write this message not just for present, but future audiences so that maybe we will learn, maybe somewhere in the near future someone will get it and make the change to save the world. I write as philosopher and author for that is my job and duty.

I hereby write The Final Transmission.

More to come.

One Hundred Problems

You can have 100 problems and solve 99 of them. There are those who will see the 99 solved and praise you for your good work and encourage you to tackle that last one. If you have someone like this in your life keep them, cherish them for they will help you grow and reach new heights. Open minded and real people see the whole story, not just the part that supports their feelings.

Then there are the small minded people who see the one problem left over and that is their proof nothing has changed and they proceed to berate you for that one problem and ignore the other work you have done and tear you back down. If you have someone like this in your life, you don’t have one problem left over, you have two…get rid of them both.

I have come a long way and still a ways to go. It is because of people who see the whole story and support the work I’ve done that I have come this far. People who harp on one failure and ignore all your other successes are people you don’t need and I have purged my life of people like that.

You can help me move forward in my life, or you can hold me back. I am glad to have my sister and many friends and family who help me go forward.

To the ones who held me back, harped on the one problem left over, I have cut you loose. I let you go. Goodbye.

The Tree – by Neal Stone

the-tree

The Tree

During the war of 1812 it was only a sapling. But over the past two hundred years it grew into a mighty tree. It became massive and mighty. Stronger than any other tree around it. Branches that stretched 50 feet in any direction and were so huge that they needed iron posts to hold them up.

The tree was proud of how it grew, of its size and strength. For years it stood strong and rooted holding its ground. All the other trees looked up to it and admired it. “Oh how I want to be strong and mighty as that tree” they said in admiration.

The tree was proud and strong and earned its respect over the centuries. There was no other as big, strong or as beautiful as this tree. The tree was happy of the life he grew into. Happy to stand in the sun and feel its warmth providing shade for all who needed shelter in the heat of the day.

The tree was strong.
Then the storm came.

The tree was mighty.
Then the storm came.

The tree was tall and proud.
Then the storm came.

At first the tree worried not. It was strong and deeply rooted and the winds were not even noticeable at first. But the winds blew stronger and the tree could feel a few leaves fly off and the branches move a little. But it still did not worry for it was strong and mighty. But the winds grew even stronger and the branches started to move back and forth in the wind. But even then it didn’t worry for it knew it could withstand these winds.

But now the winds started to howl and blow harder and the branches started dancing back and forth in the winds and the tree started to worry a little, but still felt it was strong enough to withstand the storm. And then the winds grew mighty and the trees branches whipped back and forth in the wind. The tree began to wonder if it will survive the storm? “Am I strong enough? Am I mighty enough?” it asked itself.

Small branches broke off and flew away waving in the wind as if mocking the tree. The larger branches started to twist and turn as they waved back and forth as the winds grew even stronger. The branches would twist and crack and small splinters would shoot out from underneath the bark. Then came the rain that poured down on the tree. What once gave life was now bringing death, what once brought hope now brought despair.

Then in a sound of thunder the largest branches twisted and broke free. They fell to the ground in a thunderous crash at the base of the tree. The waters of the sea rose and made its way towards the tree. The storm grew even stronger and it felt as if the tree was to be pulled up by its very roots, but the tree held on.

The waters now covered the bottom of the tree. The ground was no longer visible as the waters rose even more. “Is this it? Is this all I am to be after all these years? To be washed away, a faded memory of what once was? Forgotten in time?”. But the tree held on even as the waves crashed against its trunk threatening to uproot it.

The water rose even higher and soon covered the tree completely until it was seen no more. The tree was frightened. “Is this it? Am I now washed away, just a faded memory of what I once was? Is there nothing more? Is this the end? Is this the end?” the tree thought to itself.

The tree was now completely covered by the sea and rain. Its branches torn and washed away and its bark ripped away in spots.

The tree stood there waiting for the end. Waiting to be uprooted and washed away. But it held on. It looked up through the water and saw darkness. It stood in darkness and despair. The tree was ready to give up and let go.

Then it saw something, a light shining on its trunk through the water. It looked up and the darkness started to pass and the sun was now shinning down through the water. The storm was over. The sun got brighter and brighter and the water started to finally go down. It wasn’t long before the top of the tree broke through the water into the warm sunshine free of the storm that once threatened it. Free to breath again and feel the warmth of the spring sun.

The waters finally receded and the tree was free once again. It stood there broken and bare. Its mighty branches gone and washed away. It was no longer mighty, no longer strong, no longer proud. It was broken and weak. Bare of all its huge branches that it had grown over the years. All that was left was a large trunk broken and worn, tired from the storm. But the tree held on.

The tree looked at itself and the broken mess it had become. It looked at its broken branches and mourned all that had been washed away. Its beautiful leaves blown away in the wind. It no longer provided shade from the hot afternoon sun. But the tree held on.

Broken and bare the tree knew there was only one thing it could do. It began to grow.

What the Semicolon means to me.

As I was leaving work I was asked what the semicolon meant. Here is my definition.

“A semicolon is used when an author could’ve chosen to end their sentence, but chose not to. The author is you and the sentence is your life.”

It is about moving forward and choosing to continue when you could’ve just quit and given up. It’s knowing life can get hard, but you press forward still regardless of what is thrown at you.

It’s putting the gun back in the holster
It’s flushing the drugs down the toilet
It’s putting the knife back in the drawer
It’s pouring the alcohol down the drain
It’s not letting the demons in your head haunt you
It’s opening your heart despite the fear of being judged
It’s looking at that which torments your life and walking away saying no more!
It’s standing outside feeling the grass under your feet and feeling
the warmth of the sun on your face knowing you made it one more day…and will make it again tomorrow.

After years of being spun around, denial, of my life being wrecked on the shores of despair and hurt, after years of being controlled and cult like environments, I have accepted what is and am on the road to being where I want to be in my life. No matter your age or background, you can always get your life back.

Depression, anxiety, PTSD from childhood trauma, false memories and terrible real ones, these are a few of the demons I fight daily.

Freedom is a simple concept yet so hard to attain, yet it just takes the choice to be free to get started.

It’s not about hope, hope is a beggar always wanting, it’s about giving yourself a chance when you never did before. Stop wanting and start giving yourself a chance. It’s about standing up to what held you down and being stronger for it. It’s no longer fearing tomorrow because now you can face it.

It’s no longer being afraid of the monsters in your life, for they fear you now. And when the monsters come for you, and they will, they will find themselves regretting that decision.

I have faced much yesterday, I will face some more today, and I will be around tomorrow for whatever comes then.

It’s realizing your worth and value when no one else does, because in the end it’s how you feel that matters most. In the end it’s your life and you are in charge of it, no one else.

It’s knowing the memories in your head, real for false, will haunt you, but you will face them, understand them, work through them and separate the truth from the fiction.

It’s empowering yourself and knowing that you only need your belief in yourself to pull it off and make great things happen in your life.

It’s knowing that you’re not the only one and that there are those who will hear of your story and be inspired to not give up…and you’ll probably never know about it.

It’s the chance to live again. It’s the desire to never give up. It’s the choice to see tomorrow regardless of today’s battles.

It’s seeing that small flower push through the cracks of a sidewalk and realizing that little flower is stronger, more determined and more bad-ass than you are! Are you going to let a little flower show you up?

I have chosen to keep going, no matter how hard it gets, no matter how dark it gets, I will never quit. I might fall for a bit, but count on me getting back up and if you’re what made me fall, don’t be there when I get back on my feet.

BE YOUR OWN HERO!!!

The semicolon is a choice to just keep going, to continue, because my story isn’t over yet!


Battles We Fight

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Mental illness and alcoholism/drug abuse can take it’s toll on a family and loved ones. Many say they understand, yet unless you see it and experience the devastating affects, you have no idea.

On my vacation I had to deal with such a situation as I watched my sister do her best to keep a family member’s alcohol under control and watch as she, and eventually me, get targeted for standing up to bad behavior and down right selfishness.

My once admiration of this person dwindled as I saw him in a different light than before. But my admiration for my sister, Darcy Hartley-Stone will always be there for the strong person she is and has been.

When you say “Just get over it” you are being small minded, naive and obviously have no real life challenges or a serious denial of issues in your own life. It’s never that simple and people fight everyday and often some lose that battle or give up. Next time you break a leg or injure your hip just walk it off fucker!

You don’t see my tears at night or the heartbreak I feel when someone I love goes down a rough road, even harder to take when you realize they have chosen that road. I even found myself on a bad road I chose because of issues I didn’t want to deal with, but I changed directions once I found myself in a place where I could focus on myself.

Be careful who you mock or belittle just because you refuse to understand their story or journey, for one day you may find yourself on that same road and the person you mocked or failed to understand may be your only guide. Don’t be too surprised should they leave you alone to figure it out yourself. The day may come when I myself will look at you on the same road I took, then turn away and leave you to find your own way out.

I have been in low places in my life trying to understand and get out of it. Those who stuck by me, even when you didn’t understand, thank you so much for being there. Those who left because you didn’t want to deal or understand….GOODBYE!

They call suicide the cowards way out, but in all honesty it isn’t that at all. It’s a person that has reached the end of their rope with no solution but to let go. In all honesty, we will never know what drove them there in most cases because they are no longer around to talk too, but am sure someone who didn’t understand probably just told them to get over it, when they could have chosen to understand and reach out a helping hand. Their laziness and short shortsightedness may have cost someone their life. I have seen many times the affects of suicide on loved ones and the shock they felt never knowing why. The ones who follow through on suicide are often the quiet about it and may never say a word about their feelings. Know this signs:

https://afsp.org/about-suic…/risk-factors-and-warning-signs/

I fight depression, anxiety and PTSD from childhood trauma daily. I am not ashamed nor afraid to share this. It is my story, it is my life, it is my journey, it is my battle and it will end in victory. But that ending is far off as I am not done living yet.

This is the meaning behind the tattoo on my left wrist and behind my left ear.

Below is a link to Project Semicolon. Check it out….understand. To those who are fighting the battle, never fight alone ever again! I stand with you!

My Story Isn’t Over Yet! Why? Because someone chose to understand. To those who chose not to, you won’t be missed.

http://www.projectsemicolon.org/