Options

“You’re only in my life because I want you, I don’t need you.  You’re just an option, easily forgotten, easily replace and easily gotten rid of!  You don’t matter and aren’t really a priority to me.”

This is what was told to me by an ex-girlfriend when we first met and throughout the entire relationship.  It’s what I was told and how I was treated. No matter how you treat me I will try to do my best anyway to be a good man, but after a while even the strongest can wear down.  I’m not a bad person, though I do have stuff I am working through that lead me to make bad decisions, but in the end I am getting past all of that and do my best to be my best.  But when you’re faced with the bar being raised each time you reach for it, you get tired and then you just coast along.  I don’t fault my ex for the breakup, I did have my issues at the time, but I don’t take full responsibility either.  We both had issues with relationships and things in our lives we need to work through, but I am at least honest enough to look at these issues, acknowledge them and do something about it.  In this case, counseling which has been very affective.

All my relationships seemed to treat me like the quote above, like I was just along for the ride and it was their option for me to do so.  I wasn’t really an important part of the relationship, just there at their leisure.  I never mattered to any of them.

Thanks to counseling I have learned to recognize patterns of the types of women I date and am now looking to see what it is I really want in a relationship, but more importantly what I want to be to them as well. 

If you truly love someone they will be a priority in your life, don’t have to be the main priority, just important to you.  They will matter to you.  Be part of the relationship, not just a tag along.  Don’t be so arrogant that you think its your way or the highway or that you are the queen bee and they have to stay in line or get out.  That’s not how you treat someone that you love.  You’re both an important part of the relationship and are building it together.  If you’re going to keep one foot in the road ready to run when it gets tough, then maybe you need to stick both feet on the road and just leave, no one needs a half hearted partner too afraid to invest fully into the relationship.  In the end you will only deceive your partner and leave them in hurt.

And when you treat me as disposable, easily gotten rid of, don’t be all surprised when you wake up one day disposed of and forgotten yourself.  I already had issues in regards to being treated as disposable in previous relationships including by my mom and step-dad, and all the above did was feed it more.  I have since broken that chain and have freed my heart to never be treated like that again.  Love me fully or not at all!

Neal

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