Disposable Me

I found one of my long time issues was the feeling of being disposable and replaceable. A lot of this was learned growing up when no one wanted to hang with the handicapped kid and went on to find other friends as well as other factors.

The sad part is this can lead to me poisoning my relationships by feeling they are going to get rid of, dispose of me eventually anyway so why try? To complicate things a previous relationship was more than glad to remind me I was just an option and easily replaced and gotten rid of from the very beginning, and then they wonder why I didn’t try as hard. They took an already existing issue and reinforced it. I may have lit the fire, but you fanned the flame.   Yes I am responsible for my part and my failures and even my reaction to your attitudes, but you have responsibility as well for your part and attitudes.

So you can bet on one thing, I am done feeling this way and if you are in a relationship with me and start that “You’re just an option, replaceable” BS, you can count on replacing me real soon because I am done with that shit!

I am not an option, I am a human being who deserves better treatment than that. A relationship is something you invest your heart and soul into for the long run, not a disposable lighter you throw away when the flame goes out. You only quit when the other partner becomes unhealthy for you and you have no choice, but don’t go blaming them when you start off already saying how temporary/disposable they are and set it up to fail from day one! Yes I was unhealthy to be with someone, but now am on a track to being better and healthier and love where I am.  You will never get to see that person because he is totally done with you!

I am continuing to grow and heal and I will eventually become the man you wish you had, but never will have, because you are not an option anymore and never will be ever again!

When it comes right down to it, when you go into a relationship and the first thing you do is voice your escape clause, you’ve already doomed the relationship to failure and made it very clear you’re not into it 100% or for the long run.

You become used to a string of disappointments and when you finally find something worth keeping you sabotage that too. You hold your partner to a clause or rule that shouldn’t even be there making for an unstable relationship and resulting in a partner who just doesn’t feel trying all that hard because they feel they don’t really matter, after all they are easily replaced.

So you go ahead and tell your partner how easily disposed of and replaceable they are and they will more than likely help you prove your point.

As you jump from one relationship to another, your former partner will work on themselves, become a better person and find that real relationship where they know they matter. In the meantime they have learned to enjoy being alone and live without you. They will grow and become the person you really wanted, and will never have.  Let’s face it, you’re no longer wanted nor desired!

Out clauses, especially in the beginning of a relationship, are a sure sign of insecurity and unhealthy thinking.  If you need an escape clause, then maybe you need to stop dating!  After all no one is ever going to match up or live up to your expectations.

I am not trash, garbage or something to be used up and thrown away, I am a good person, sure I got problems, but who doesn’t? That doesn’t make me a bad person, just damaged goods getting fixed and when I am better and standing strong, where will you be? Alone again I am sure! Or maybe just unhappy because once again you have had to use that escape clause, but do you really escape? You sound trapped to me!

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