Rough Week

The past week has been rough.  My ex-girlfriend and I decided I was focusing too much on her.  We had broken up months ago, but I still held on.  I am a lot like my dad who still loves my mom after 50 years of being divorced.  We decided it was best I focus on myself and discontinued communication.  It hurt but I do need to focus on myself more and move on. Hopefully in the future I can be friends with her at least as she is a great person but just not the right time for us to be together until I get my head together.  I can be emotionally draining and don’t want to be that to her or anyone.  I at least desire to be friends in the future, she does know how to BBQ and we all need friends like that.  LOL

I decided to sign up for Planet Fitness and start a workout routine.  This will have many benefits.  I will have something to focus on and do for myself, I will be healthier, it has improved my sleeping quite a bit, and it will release endorphins that will make me feel better all around.  I am enjoying myself and in a few days will meet with the trainer to setup an actual workout program.  My goal is to be better in mind and body.  To be stronger so I am not a weight to anyone or drag anyone down anymore.  Healing is painful and unless you’ve been through some rough trauma you will never really get it.

This is my show now.  This is about my healing and being a better person all around.  If that sounds selfish then too bad, I am tired of burning myself up for others and letting my needs go.  I was raised with the mentality of sacrificing yourself for others but what good are you if you’re not able to take care of yourself too?  None at all!

My girlfriend broke up with me because she saw me letting my needs slide because I was too focused on her, so she let me go so I could do what I needed to do.  That is love!  I hope someday in the future to find a love like that again even if it’s not her.

My ex did recommend a book called The Secret.  I researched the book deeply and have decided not a good read for me.  I am all about positive thinking but that is all the book really has to offer me.  The author of the book has no real clue to quantum mechanics or quantum physics and greatly applies it to her book and ideas incorrectly.  We as humans tend to think god or some magical force is focused on this one little planet.  This is a perfect example of the arrogance of man.  It is a vast universe and we are a small spec in it and not the center of it either.  I don’t believe there is a magical force or energy that sends me positive vibes, but I do believe that changes in the heart will affect your daily life and attitudes.  I have a few books that I am using that work for me.  One is called 101 Self-Discovery Prompts and has been very insightful.  Each page has a word and you write something about that word.  It really shows your thoughts and attitudes and gives you something to think about.

So onward now to do better.  To work harder and stop falling so much. To let go even if I don’t want to, but have to.  Time to find some dice.

Better, stronger, faster, GAME ON!

Neal

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