Processing and Comprehension

Due to issues at birth I suffered brain damage.  I have spent my life finding ways to work around the limitations caused by this.  One of my biggest struggles is processing and comprehending things.  Comprehension can be very frustrating as I want to understand but at times fail to do so.  Sometimes I make boneheaded decisions that bight me in the ass later.  Often this leads to a depression as I hate falling down like that, yet I do time and again.  I struggle to try and understand why and it gets frustrating to say the least.  But now I see a counselor, who has been great, and am learning more about myself and learning ways to rethink things.  Learning that it’s not the falling down, it’s the getting back up.

I would say that I will fail, but that sounds like a setup for failure.  We all fail, but it’s time to stop using that as an excuse and just get up when you do.  Focus on the positive.

I used to be anti-counseling and anti-positive thinking due to strict religious teachings by a pastor who was very controlling and a mother and step-dad who were just as bad.  This greatly limited my interactions with the outside world and attitudes towards myself.  I was taught I was an underserving, low life sinner and didn’t deserve shit!  I was made to feel guilty for just about everything.  It was all about control and manipulation.  It took years to get rid of the guilt of going to see a movie.  But no more, I am learning that some of this stuff is still engrained in me and am in the process of removing it.

Think before you teach your kids something and try and see the consequences on their lives. A real parent teaches their kid to live in and deal with the real world, not be afraid of it.  A real parent teaches their kid to improve the world we live in, not fight against it and await its destruction.

Neal

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